009

She sat staring at the email. The shock prevented any sort of response. She blinked often without realising and her stomach groaned. Otherwise, she didn’t move and she wasn’t thinking about anything. She was just staring. There was a huge black cloud in her head. It filled every space and no thoughts could escape. The black cloud hurt her. It pushed against her scull. It squeezed her brain. The blood was building behind her eyes. She blinked again. The pain continued to increase.

Her hand jerked and the mouse moved, so she watched the cursor flick across the screen. The email was the same. The pictures were still there. The to field in the email still had too many addresses to count. There was a scroll bar so that she could see all the other addresses in the field. She didn’t scroll.

Her phone rang. It lay on the desk but it was a distant noise. Then it beeped with a message and rang again. She stood up and walked towards the bedroom door. She touched the handle and slowly pushed the door closed. She leant her head upon the door and began to cry. Tears ran down her face and then her mouth opened as she began to gasp for air. She fell to the floor sobbing. She lay gasping and sobbing until, exhausted,  she dozed off.

“Jessica!” screamed her mother from the other side of the house. Her mother ran down the hall to her bedroom in a panic. She tried opening the door but Jessica was lying behind it. “Jessica, love, I need to open the door. Hop out of the way.”

Jessica sat up, dazed, exhausted and disoriented. Her mother knelt down and clutched her. “Don’t worry, don’t worry, love. It’s ok, everything will be ok.”

Jessica rested her head against her mother looking towards the laptop. Her mother was warm and her voice was comforting. Her head hurt and her eyes were still hot from crying. Her arms and legs were almost numb. “Are you ok, Jess?” Jessica looked up at her mother. She was too exhausted to cry but it’s what she wanted to do. She rested her head again and started to sense the humiliation that would soon hit her like a slap in the face. The negative and fearful thoughts that would continue to plague her for a long time barged in and found a space in her brain. They began sewing their seeds immediately.